It’s so hard to have genuine, heartfelt relationships. I find myself trying to perform, making sure I don’t… rock the boat, step on someone’s toes, hurt someone’s feelings, look like an idiot, say the wrong thing, be taken the wrong way or be thought of as inadequate. I don’t always feel safe or understood. I can look real good on the outside but what’s really going on the inside is craziness. My heart wants to just be me. I want to speak from the heart, be able to share whats going on inside me and be accepted. Why is that so difficult?
I long to be accepted… not for who I ‘should’ be… but for who I am, right now, as well as who I am growing to be. God isn’t finished with me yet (Philippians 1:6) and I find that there are only a few people in my life who actually understand that. Those are the ones I can get ‘real’ with. Those are my ‘real’ friends. They are the ones who also feel comfortable getting ‘real’ with me.
In addition to spending time with my best friend, I have a small group of women whom I can trust that I meet with weekly. There is something special about the confidentiality and comfort we share that keeps us feeling safe and loved. When the rest of the world knocks me off my rocker, I am thankful that I have a circle of friends who can hold me up. I make it a point to be around them as often as I can…not only for me but for them as well.
I was reminded the other day that my ability to be a friend is just as important. It came when my friend called and asked if she could do my hair. She went out of her way to call me even after her busy day doing house work and mowing the lawn on her day off. She has done my hair for years but our friendship goes way farther than that. At first I tried to tell her I didn’t want to intrude on her day off. She has her own hair shop and does hair all week… I thought I would be putting her out. She quietly reminded me that she had called me and she missed me and wanted to catch up. I kindly agreed and met her late that evening where we talked and did each other’s hair for a couple of hours. What a blessing! Our time together was way more than just hair color or a trim. It was about sharing from our hearts, being ourselves, being understood and being loved.
Thank you, Father, for the people in my life who accept me and care for me just as I am. Thank you for giving me the blessing of friends who can hear my heart and speak truth about what they hear. It is a divine comfort, something that is only felt through a love for you and a love for each other. I am thankful that I can get outside of myself and BE myself with these special friends. Amen.